To self enlightenment

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

On the ‘first sermon of Lord Buddha’ what better day to feel stupid and think stupid. At least I went to Tandin Nye and erased the guilt of spending free time. But mostly, thanks to the road that reached to the door step. Otherwise I could have wasted another auspicious holyday snoring over the pillow. However, I will never have the guilt whenever I see Tandin Gompa from anywhere in Thimphu. It was a nice day but this is not what I am attempting here. Stupid man never writes good things especially on the important day.

Keeping aside all the nicest things I just saw few hours ago in the little temples and behind the rocks, my mind is agitated with the ways men feel for women or vice versa. It isn’t seeking the reasons on conjugal feelings called love or admiration to each other.  My mind seeks for an answer on why, I, as a man feel urged upon seeing a woman; as simple as or as complex as that.

As a boy, I heard many times or rather it was the mantra among my group of friends that girls experience about 9 times a day urging to have sex and the boys for about 3 to 6 times. When for all these years I could not care to find out the relevancy of its statement at least from my own experience, there was no way knowing on the 9th time. But having realized it now, I feel the ball is in my court and that I am soon going to find out if ‘3-6 times’ runs through my spine.

If I have waited such long years to realize it on this day and if I may think that there is the connection to the very thought, I may not like to choose any other day than the same day next year to seek the truth.

That leaves me roughly a year and by the time I close the bedroom door for 12 hours I would have experienced as many as 1095 to 2190 urges. And on that day, perhaps, if I have become so god fearing and go out to another pilgrimage, I will be completely focussed to myself counting the changes in me. And by chance, if any of the people I know happen to meet me on the way, forgive me for my utter change in behaviour for it will be my unfaltering focus onto the hormonal change.

It is a stupid thought but it came very strong today that it proved better than the last Dhi Chen Nga Zom where I intended shoving the houseflies away from disturbing my sleep but many landed dead on the floor.

Deep within me, I already feel I have paved a way to hell after my death. But by expressing this unscrupulous thought, at least I feel alright now. However, I shall strongly bank on the little merit I did today. Help me Tandin Nye when all the wrathful demons flock to imbibe every drop of blood from me. At least those drops would have experienced one truth while being on earth.


letro said...

So the guilt of thinking in such manner in you is totally cleared on this auspicious day.
Enjoyed reading it. :)

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