I hereby

Thursday, February 28, 2013

After almost a decade in civil service, I have decided to resign from it. The resignation comes after much contemplation and introspection. It is not an easy decision by any matter when whole of world is going through financial crisis with companies downsizing the staff and when unemployment level has reached the peak. And not when my career was taking its tempo. They think, resigning from P2 or grade 5 is such a stupid idea when I had the possibility of reaching to the specialist level even at the younger age. I just did not want to reach anywhere. Friends also showed the concern on how I would keep supplying the food on my table. I had nothing to think about it because it was the only risk I had in my mind.

As young as fourteen summers ago, I stood before the panel of officers who laid in front of them a few choices of engineering I could choose. Perplexed, I chose Civil Engineering with a single shot of thought. I could work in a private sector was the thought that ran during that time and I ticked beside it. Four years made me a professional that did not deter me to stand under any weather conditions in the civil service. I became darker working under the sun as the splashed concrete hardened on my clothes. I cared nothing even when slump of mud or dusts sat on my scalp. I learned the language of Bengali, honed the skill in Hindi that many would mistake I was yet another noisy labourer shouting his lungs out. I could only jest to my family that I wore Lagey so that passersby knew I was the engineer of that particular site. So many cubic meters of concrete have I casted, so many tonnes of steel bars have I buried permanently inside it. So many pages of measurement books have I scribbled, so many of broken measuring tapes gone not to wastes. I learned the charm of working with due diligence which gave me peaceful sleep at nights. But nothing came easy on the way. I missed many good holidays that I feel completely exhausted now. I did not miss my daughter's birthday last year because I had to attend to a broken ankle of an expatriate labour in the ICU the year before. Both ways I loved my time.

Indeed, it was the most vulnerable sector I have seen. Money talks but I stand proudly now that no one had dared to buy me. I followed 3 Fs (Friendly, Fair & Firm) very strictly from day one of my tenure. There were incidents contractors tried to come to my house. The next lesson drawn was never to tell them the location of my house. It was my stupidity  to tell one contractor about my drinking habit in the evenings. One evening, he called me up to ask him if I wanted anything. I smiled of his smartness. He thought he could do the trick. People fall weak of conviction when drunk. I am glad I did not. "Can you really give me what I want?" I asked. There was a huge relief of sigh from the other end. Before he said anything I told him I wanted the quality work and complete it on time and put the phone off with a warning not to call me on such matters. We did not talk for a few weeks then but I got what I wanted, the work on time with not so of sub-standard quality.

Now the time has come for me to make a change. It is my dream I dreamed since childhood, to be in a private sector. Although it does not come at an appropriate time, perhaps, I prefer to choose now. The test of will comes not at the good times but when everything seems to fall apart. Just a few months more and I am eligible to draw more than two hundreds of ngultrums. I decided I don't want it. I have lost more than what I should if I account the details. If I cling to it, I am not going to enjoy my dream.

But, what is my dream? What is my plan B? Well, I have none, at least now. Whatever little I have in my mind, it is too early to tell the world. Only one person in this world believes in me and she knows about it. My wife, she is such an introvert she would not tell anything about it to anyone.

I feel good. If one can wake up one day and think he is jobless and yet still not panic about it, the enormous energy of peace he generates can motivate him through out his life.

I have always preferred to wake up until I am done with my sleep and then go to the work. In all these years,  I woke up to go to work. At work I always missed something deep inside me. While I work zealously behind a desktop true to the nature of a professional, I was not. Behind this professional had a passion that wanted to wake up and take its course. Upon rationalization, I knew this passion would not get me bread. How many years it took that 'peace to oneself' is as important as that 'bread'? Could I draw the line between them? I pondered. Now, I saw a starting dot. How long will I take to stretch it depends on  when I make the beginning.

Thus, I made this small beginning from the tiniest of dot, I submitted my resignation.

....like to continue it someday.



4 comments:

Overcome said...

It is always a hard decision when it's related to bread or pursue a dream, especially when you have families with you. But trust your heart and everything will be fine. Believe in yourself and reach your dream. You are lucky that your wife trusts and supports your decision. Porky Pie, I wish you good luck and wish you all the best to your next endeavor!

Dawa Knight said...

I am very much happy for you, not that you are resigning and will be jobless. Because Sir, I was once told by a Professor: As long as human civilization prevails, Civil Engineers will prevail. We do need quality persons as you in private sectors as well. Welcome abroad.

Subin said...

Don't worry boss. I lost my job to recession. Till the day of losing job I was worried what would happen if i lost, will my number be next, but once i lost it was happiness, no more tensions, nothing to worry. So just do what you dream, all what matters is are you happy. If you are not happy about your current job then whats the point working there. Don't worry about expenses as well. When you have steady inflow you will tend to spend more. When there is no inflow you cut down the unnecessary expenses. Do any work you can feed your family and send your kids to school, which are the only unavoidable things.

So, good luck in your endeavor

Kuenza said...

I feel I should in fact congratulate you on your courage to do this. You now have all the time in your hand to do what you want. Good luck. May you stretch the dot to the furthest -- without a curve.

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